Posts Tagged ‘dreams’

Summer Evening

We had the best time outside tonight. I wish I could transport you to our backyard for the night. It’s quiet here, and you hear the birds chirp and dogs bark from the other side of the ravine behind our neighbor’s yard. The air smells sweet with pine needles and grass and wild flowers, and it’s warm without being the slightest bit muggy or uncomfortable. Colorado summer evenings are heavenly.

Nick entertained Hannah by kicking her Backyardigans ball high into the air and knocking down dead tree branches for a good hour. Audrey played in the sandbox and looked at pine cones. I enjoyed my $3 garage sale find – a lounge chair.

We have everything we need, we’re realizing. Our house isn’t big, it isn’t fancy, and it is far from perfect, but if we can have peace like this here, we are very blessed.


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Everyone’s Doing It

OK, so this is my New Year’s post.

The idea of a resolution at the beginning of the year is a little funny to me. Because, after all, shouldn’t we be working on our lives year round? On the other hand, the beginning of a new year is a great time to think about life, evaluate where you are, think about things that could be better. So, although it sounds trite to me, here is my list:

-Exercise regularly (I gotta get stronger and have more energy than this. I’m only 27.)
-Turn off the tv more and play with the kids more. (I have a tendency to rely on the tv to help with the girls on hard days. I’m beginning to see that the longer it’s on, the worse things get.)
-Learn more about business administration and marketing
-Make money at business
-Plant a garden
-Make our date night a weekly occurrence
-Paint the bathroom (no, we still don’t have this done)
-Stick to our budget and pay off significant debt
-Write my piano curriculum
-Continue with time with God
-Love people better, even when it’s inconvenient. (I hate that I’m flaky sometimes)

Interesting to me the things that aren’t a huge priority – things like having a spotless house, spending more time reading stuff on the internet, etc.

What’s on your list?

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My love

Three years ago Tuesday, I married my best friend.

It was a rainy, misty day, the coldest July day in Colorado Springs history. The ceremony that was to be outside was moved inside, to the barn already decorated to host the reception. Tables were pushed aside for an aisle, the wreath wrapped with ribbon and tulle was re-hung, and a horse and carriage came to pick up my father and me from my parents’ house down the dirt drive. I carried a bouquet of wildflowers. My cousins played harp, violin and viola. A couple hundred people we love saw us exchange our vows.

It wasn’t what I expected. The ceremony could not take place in the wet grass under dripping pine trees, but the barn was warm(er), and full of joy. The mist outside gave our pictures a magical quality. The caterer we hired fell on hard times and did not have the money to serve what he had promised. Nobody will remember the food anyway. The best man dropped my ring on the dusty wooden second floor of the barn. We were all thankful there were no cracks for it to fall through, and laughed. Pastor Ross, who Nick and I respect now more than ever, served us communion and made jokes about “all Nick has to do is be like Jesus.”

And I married my best friend.

Three years, one c-section, one homebirth, four (soon to be five) moves, and one seizure later, I love him more now than I ever thought I could. We have two beautiful children, a relationship of mutual trust and respect and tenderness, and a great future. I love you, Nick.

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For those of you who don’t know, I host a small group for moms with young children. Every Thursday morning, we all get together, bring our kids, and hang out. The kids play and we supervise and even get to chat some. It has been my sanity some weeks.

Actually, I first started it when I read the book Lifegiving. I stumbled across it at the library one day, and was very inspired by the portrayal of Godly hospitality in the book. I had just found out I was pregnant with Audrey, and Hannah was still under a year old, but I was compelled by the idea that I should be opening my home to other women. We were living in a 700 square foot home with hand me down furniture (still have lots of that!), I was newly pregnant with a young baby already, and I was feeling very insecure and sorry for myself. “Why would they want to come here, Lord? Many of them come from nice homes and they have it all together, and they have their own friendships.” I complained a lot, but I couldn’t get rid of the feeling. Finally, I started the small group out of obedience. I had never really felt “good” at hospitality. I didn’t think I had anything to offer anybody, but I wanted to be obedient.

That was a year and a half ago now. This morning there were five of us. It has never really grown any bigger, but neither has my living room! We had a great time looking at each others’ wedding pictures and laughing at the funny things our kids did. I’m so glad I obeyed.

What I really want from that group, is the old sense of community, of shared life. Growing up, my parents had friends they had grown up with. I remember BBQ’s and pool parties and craft days with fondness. Colorado is a place most people “transplanted” to. There are few real natives around. So, there are few people with deep ties to…anybody. That’s not the way we’re supposed to do Christianity, or life as Christians. There’s no way to succeed that way. We need interdependence. If we don’t have it, we need to create it.

I want to have and be the kind of friends who can show up on your doorstep and you’ll be glad to see them, whether the kitchen is clean or you have makeup on, or the kids are dressed…or not. Do people still have friends like that? I wonder sometimes..

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When I grow up

I want to write like this.

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I’m currently working through the Bible study called, “Restore My Heart” by Denise Glenn. I got behind when Hannah was sick, and while trying to get caught up last night came across this quote:

“Letting Jesus change you with His word and take you where He wants you to go is the great adventure of this life.”

I though it rather profound.

I was one of those kids who never doubted what God was going to do in the world through me. As an 18 year old, straight out of high school, I landed a job as the worship ministry secretary for Woodmen Valley Chapel. At the time, the church was about 5,000 people. The worship ministry had a database of over 200 volunteers as well as a full time staff of 5. I was the only administrative help for the department. I was in WAY over my head. But even so, they trusted me with the position.

For years, I daydreamed about starting a worship ministry of some kind. One that would send me traveling the world, playing and singing for thousands. Actually, I did do that some. I thought I had found my purpose.

Fast forward a few years. I currently have four private piano students, one of them being my little sister. My days are filled with diapers, laundry and messes. I’m pretty sure it’s been just over 3 years since I played consistently with a band. I used to be on stage at least once, if not twice a week. I found so much of my value in that. It was who I was. I still have a heart for worship ministry, but my heart to raise my girls to be Godly women, and to be available for them is so much more passionate. Sometimes I begin to feel that I’ve left that other life behind for good.

Here’s the kicker: my life is not on hold. As long as I continue to allow Jesus to transform me with His word, I’m moving forward. I have never made any decisions that I felt were out of God’s will, so therefore this place I find myself must be exactly where I’m supposed to be – no matter what it feels like on some days. And for that matter, even if I had made poor decisions, God has a way of working things out for the good of those who love Him. He promised to do that. I can trust that He will. No need to second guess and wonder and feel left out. My job is simply to stay open to His word and the adventure He has for me.

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When I grow up

I really love my life. I feel the need to preface this post with that, because it could be taken to mean that I’m discontent or unhappy. That’s really not it. I have a ton of interests. Since I only have one lifetime, I have chosen the things I most want to do with it. If I had more than one though? I would…

-Stay single or at least not have kids, and do full time worship ministry. I still may do this at some point, but it will have to be later in life, and somehow a 50 year old woman is just not as cool as a 20 year old woman when we’re taking about band chicks. Ha!

-Become a naturopathic doctor and do for people what Dr. P does for us.

-Become some sort of scientist involving plants. Preferably one that could work all day in a massive greenhouse. I am fascinated by that kind of thing.

-Live in New York, Germany, California, Australia, and Israel. (As an adult. I lived in CA as a child. Doesn’t count.)

-Own and operate an organic farm. Maybe we’ll do this one yet!

-Be in politics. Run for office or go to Washington and work as an intern.

-Teach high school English. I LOVED my high school English teachers.

-Publish a book. Maybe I still will!

There are probably more. Maybe I’ll think of them and add them later. The great thing when I think about this, is I really have chosen my favorite thing – being a mom – at least for the time being. That was always a non-negotiable in my childhood dreams.

What would you do?

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