So many details are involved that I’m uncomfortable throwing them all out into the void that is the web. It’s always something.

As for the things I can share:

Parenting is sooooo hard sometimes. I’m a huge proponent of the idea that you, as the parent, know the right thing to do. I firmly believe that. Except when you don’t.

My sweet cousin-in-law was in a horrible accident last night that could have cost her life. They were just crossing the street after a church volleyball game and she was hit by a guy on a motorcycle. They expect her to recover, but it could be months. She’s in so much pain that they’re keeping her in medicated sleep for right now. I can’t imagine what my cousin is going through, seeing that happen to his wife RIGHT NEXT to him. Can’t imagine.

Sometimes life is just hard. Sometimes it’s good to cry about it.

I’m more convinced than ever that the only way to do life is to seek God wholeheartedly. I would not be getting out of bed in the morning right now, apart from a firm reliance on God’s faithfulness. I’m reading Proverbs every day and asking for wisdom. God promises He’ll give it when we ask. I’m also reading through the Bible chronologically, and currently am totally captivated by the line of Abraham, all the messes they made, and yet how God used their family line to bring the Messiah to all of us. What an amazing Redemption.

Nick and I led worship at church this weekend. We used to lead middle school worship together in college, but it’s been probably 7 years now. We were rusty, but overall it just flowed… I’m amazed at how things like that don’t go away, even if God has you waiting on Him for years. It felt wonderful, and yet funny in a way. My life has become very private, and it’s funny to be evaluated and put yourself out there again. A bit vulnerable feeling, but good. It is so good for me to focus on Who God is, as opposed to my stuff. He is faithful, He is good, He is all the things the songs say about Him, even when my world is difficult. Relief comes in focusing on Him as the answer, rather than on the problems.

Audrey’s eczema has flared up again. It’s really bad and I don’t know exactly why. The only thing we’ve really changed is the eggs we were buying, as our favorite mom-and-pop health food store closed its doors after 15 years. We can get them at another locally owned place, but haven’t yet made the trip. I hoped “pastured” eggs from Whole Foods would be similar to the eggs we were buying (they sure cost enough!), but they’re obviously not. I never wanted to see my baby have to deal with that ever again. It’s so painful. To her and me.

And, I figured out a way to blog. So maybe I’ll be getting back to it.

Outside my window… it’s actually warm again. It’s been chilly the past few days, which although I don’t mind a few days of break from the heat, it always makes me start to worry that the warm weather is gone…again…for the next 10 months. NOT ready for that yet. At all. Summer could stay another 6 months and that would make me happy.

I am thinking… about our former landlord. I’m sad to say we’re having to sue to get our security deposit returned. He’s trying to just disappear on us. He’s already outside of his rights as a landlord, and we will win, as long as there isn’t some strange technicality. Never thought we would have to sue someone. We dragged our feet for almost a whole month, hoping he would come through, but he hasn’t. Nick took the paperwork down this morning.

I am hearing… the girls talking about what movie to watch. The bathroom fan, which provides enough “white noise” that I can type in my bedroom while Tess sleeps.

Some highlights from the week… My brother’s very sweet wedding. He choked up as he said his vows. He carried her back down the aisle. They really do love each other very much. God’s grace is sufficient.

Seeing Hannah and Audrey as flower girls. They did exactly what they were supposed to, and looked absolutely gorgeous. So cute! Can’t wait for the pictures!

Hanging out with Aunt Karen and Uncle Andy. So glad they came.

I am thankful for… safe, healthy children, a husband who loves me and is kind and committed to our family, Nick’s opportunity to lead worship next weekend (!!!), a safe, quiet place to live that is enough.

From the kitchen… LOTS of eating out this week, with the wedding and family in town. Bleh.

I am wearing… blue and black checked “maxi” dress. It’s comfy.

I am reading…several books from the library about pioneer women. I’ve always loved that era, and I think the women who successfully lived that way are amazing. Also a book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I’ve been looking into Fertility Awareness Method (FAM) for birth control. Honestly, I’m not holding my breath as this kind of thing has not worked for us in the past. But I agree with the concept. Now I just need to actually DO it. Or else…we’ll just have another baby sooner than later. I got pregnant with Audrey when Hannah was 8 months. Tessa is now 7 months. That’s just crazy.

I am hoping… that the court stuff will go smoothly and painlessly. If/when we win, it would go a long way toward paying off debt.

One of my favorite things… My Hannah. She is growing up fast, and I’m seeing her begin to understand and communicate more. She has been a difficult kid for me to understand, but as she’s able to tell me what she’s thinking and feeling, I’m hopeful that we will form a relationship with lots of trust.

A few plans for the rest of the week… Rest. A playdate. Tea with a friend. Worship rehearsal. Cleaning the apartment. Bread baking. Hugging kids.

2. I am the ONLY one of the family to come home with mosquito bites from this outing. I am actually allergic to them, and they swell 1-2” in diameter and get hot and red and itch so bad it can keep me up at night. I have yet to find anything that helps, except…oh…a week or two. I wish I was exaggerating.

3.  My 19 year old sister is on her way to Europe for two weeks. I’m just a bit jealous. They’re going from London to Italy, with stops in between. Hope she’ll have an amazing time.

4. In spite of the mess surrounding me in the apartment, I took the time to organize my Google reader subscriptions this morning. They were bugging me – more than the dirty dishes, more than the dirty laundry, more than the toys on the floor and the stuff from the lake waiting to be put away. I have no idea what this says about me.

5. On a related topic, I found an iphone app that has all the flylady routines on it. When you complete a task you check it off and get a gold star. Then you can click on “accomplishments” and see everything that you’ve done for the day. Staying on task when it comes to housework is incredibly difficult for me, and the only way I can do it is with lists, otherwise I get caught up in some other project. I’m excited about this.

6. Nick wanted an iphone for his birthday and we didn’t want to pay/wait for the new one, so we ordered a 3Gs. Mine is just a 3G, and I’m excited about having the video capabilities. He insists I take the new one and he’ll take mine, because I’ll “use it more.” I have been objecting to this since the day we ordered it, and he has yet to change his mind. What a guy! I get a new phone today. Wahoo!

7. My mom is letting me use her grain grinder and Bosch mixer/blender. I’m trying to figure out which project to do first. The main one is baby food – it’s time to start that again! But bread with freshly ground flour is in the plan as well.

I am thinking… that I might have been all wrong about what I needed in order to be content.

I am hearing… Tessa fussing a bit. Hoping those teeth pop through soon.

Some highlights from the week… Our pastor and his wife coming to our little apartment to talk about worship ministry. Nick’s playing Sunday morning, and my turn will be in a few weeks.

Watching my kids learn to use their floaties in the swimming pool.

Unpacking the place, one box at a time. Every one feels like a major accomplishment.

I am thankful for… a place to live. God knew what we really needed.

A church experience that I’d about given up on.

The ability to get my teeth fixed.

From the kitchen… I’ve cut back quite a bit on the food projects since the move. I’ve been craving simplicity, and just haven’t had time or space to do lots of experimenting. Had to restart my sourdough starter, and have that working again. Doing water kefir still. But bread baking, and any meals except very simple ones have not happened. I think I’ll get back to them, but I’m not feeling any sense of urgency to do so at the moment.

I am wearing… white capris and a green shirt I got for my birthday.

I am reading…started The Secret Garden with the girls yesterday. I have no idea if they’ll stick with me through it, but it starts a little slow so I’ll push through for now. It’s one of my all-time favorites, and I decided I couldn’t wait anymore to try it with them.

I am hoping… to get our deposit back from our landlord soon. I always feel like we have to hold our breath until that happens. We left the place far better than we found it, but there’s no guarantee people won’t do weird stuff.

One of my favorite things… Honestly, reading my Bible on my iphone. Oh, and listening to Nick play guitar again for the first time in a long time.

A few plans for the rest of the week… a playdate…I’m long overdue to see so many of my friends, but we’re pretty tired from this past month. Hoping I can get back in touch with more people soon.

Meeting Nick’s sister in Denver on Saturday. Maggiano’s (yummy!) and a trip to Chuck e. Cheese to play. Should be fun!

Haven’t taken any pictures the past couple weeks. Have to get back to that!

Have a good week!

Anybody need a comfy but worn couch?

Smaller houses make it much easier to watch kids.

I am so going to sell or give away about 90% of the stuff we moved. Wish I’d had time to do that before moving it!

My sourdough starter got neglected over the move and went bad somehow. I have never smelled a smell quite like it. Wow.

Tessa is not a fan of my stress. Hoping she’ll calm down soon. Nursing is a wrestling match right now.

I’m turning 30 on Friday. Neato.

The end.

1. I started going to school for music and didn’t finish. At this point, if/when I go back, it’ll be for nutrition. There’s a switch!

2. Baby smell is one of my favorite smells in the world. Washed or unwashed, they just smell heavenly!

3. I keep track of our budget on this massive Excel spreadsheet titled THE BUDGET. My eyes blur over from spreadsheets usually, but I’ve gotten used to this one and use it often.

4. I love to play in the dirt while gardening. Thought I was going to get to do this this summer, but it is postponed one more year. I never wear gloves and my fingernails get dirty and gross and I get blisters. And I love it.

5. I do not like to be cold. Ever.

6. I suspect we will have one more child and then be finished, though if we had unlimited resources we’d probably have 3 more. Anybody got an extra $50,000 or so a year they’d like to donate?

7. When I’m stressed or otherwise occupied, I lose interest in food. I honestly do not mean to do this, but it sure works wonders for losing baby weight!

8. One of my biggest frustrations with life is that I can’t seem to make real life match my ideals very often. But when they do, I’m blissfully happy. Since I generally try to decide to be happy, this requires regular adjustments to my ideals.

9. Though I don’t get to play the piano much right now, I love that when I do it, it still comes easily. I guess when you start as a 5 year old, it becomes part of who you are.

10. I have not yet figured out how to transfer my intense love of learning to include my children. This is something I’ll be actively figuring out shortly, since Hannah starts (homeschooled) kindergarten in the fall.

11. Right now I feel torn between two ways of life – I would love to have a house in the middle of nowhere on a bunch of land, maybe an organic farm, have tons of kids and animals, and grow or produce most of our own food. On the other hand, I also love clothes, having painted toenails, having freshly done highlights, cute house decor, being a businesswoman, and living close to everything. Does this mean I need to choose, or that I can be happy pretty much anywhere?

12. Though I pretty much love all flowers and plant life in general, I dislike Chrysanthemums. I think they’re boring except for a couple of weeks in the fall, and they get slimy really fast and smell bad as cut flowers.

13. I cloth diaper my baby because I like to. No other reason would motivate me enough.

14. I fear I might be bad at potty training children. 2 down (kinda), ? to go…

15. My Google reader is usually overflowing with too many unread posts. I tend to subscribe to everything I ever read and then only regularly read a small handful.

16. One of my favorite things to do is to look at a pile of stuff and where it needs to fit, visualize where it all needs to go, and put it there. Mentally, I am extremely organized. In real life, not always. See #8.

17. I don’t like green beans.

18. I turn 30 next week. Probably the main reason doing this list appeals to me. Remember being a little kid and wondering about what life would be like as an adult? I’m a real live adult. And I’m moving for the 6th time in 6 years. And I have a squirmy, fussy baby on my lap who just wants to be held today. And life looks pretty much how I expected it would look at 30. And you couldn’t pay me to redo my 20′s. No complaints about getting older here.

19. One of the best things about this move? Simplifying again. I love simplicity.

20. I’d like to get better at playing with my kids. See #10.

21. I plan to get good and tan at our pool this summer.

22. I get too attached to places. This house is not ours, but I had so many dreams invested in it. I hope I’ll understand at some point why we needed to move now. I know God will work it for our good.

23. Have I mentioned how glad I am that it’s summer?

24. I hate debt. But if you’ve been reading my blog for any period of time, that’s not new info.

25. I want to learn to make cheese. This is my next project.

26. I almost always forget to take pictures. Somehow enjoying a moment does not produce in me an urge to grab a camera. On the one hand, I can say I enjoy the moment rather than taking pictures of it, but on the other hand, I wish I had the pictures.

27. I’ve learned (or maybe relearned?) that I’m the most emotionally healthy when I talk A LOT. Trying to figure out how to make this happen regularly, ideally with my best friend (Nick), on a more regular basis.

So there ya go. If you’re reading this, you’re it! Make your own list.

(sorry about the link, posting from the phone)